


desperate measures

by rarepairenabler



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, As always kuroo is a furry, Cat Ears, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Magic Gone Wrong, Magic Shops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10037231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarepairenabler/pseuds/rarepairenabler
Summary: Kuroo's current concern: He can't get rid of his bedhairOR the one where Kuroo buys a potion off craigslist and accidentally gives himself cat ears





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohirareon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohirareon/gifts).



> my pinch hit for megan (ohirareon)! I love you a lot, thank you for always inspiring me to provide that soft banter content <33

Kuroo knocks hard on Akaashi’s door, shivering hard as he waits. Why hadn’t he thought to bring a jacket before storming over? He wraps his arms around himself. Through the door, he hears the thunderous quake of footsteps. Kuroo swallows. For a moment, he contemplates running. Maybe he doesn’t _need_ Akaashi’s help. Maybe the problem will just…solve itself. Before he has the chance to flee, the door swings open.

Akaashi’s standing on the other side, tanned skin washed out under the glaring light, his dark hair sticking up in every direction, lips twisted in a scowl. Most notably, he’s clutching a blue fluffy robe to his chest. He looks ridiculously disheveled, but Kuroo’s breath still catches in his throat at the sight of him.

Kuroo smiles despite himself. “Akaashi, thank god—”

“Pain-in-the-ass-Kuroo-san,” Akaashi interrupts. “I should have known. What is it?”

Kuroo cringes. He shifts from foot to foot, his teeth clattering from the cold. “I can explain, I promise. Just let me in? You wouldn’t let a friend freeze, would you?”

He knows he’s pushing it, but Akaashi relents with a frown and steps aside to pull the door open. Akaashi gestures to follow and grumbles, “Can’t _wait_ to see what trouble you’ve gotten yourself in this time.”

~*~

Kuroo carefully lifts his hat to reveal a pair of black cat ears peeking out from his messy hair. 

“Kuroo-san,” Akaashi snort-laughs. “What the _fuck?_ ”

Kuroo self-consciously covers his cat ears with his hands. “It’s not _that_ bad.”

“This is incredible,” Akaashi snickers. “Of _course_ you went and accidentally turned yourself into a furry.”

“You’re _enjoying_ this,” Kuroo says, scandalized.

“A little,” Akaashi admits with a sly grin. “Wait, hold on, I need evidence—” He slides his phone out of the pocket of his robe and takes a picture before Kuroo even has the time to react. “Just in case.”

Kuroo narrows his eyes. He tries to snatch the phone from Akaashi but fails. “Nobody’s going to believe you about this—I’ll just tell them it was a really elaborate snapchat filter.”

Akaashi sobers slightly, his lips pursed as his fingers graze over Kuroo’s pointed ears. “How the hell did this happen, anyway? Did it involve Bokuto-san?”

“Bo had nothing to do with this!”

Akaashi eyes him skeptically.

“Okay, fine. Maybe he played a small part. I told him that you haven’t had any luck with curing my bedhead and Bo suggested I check out craigslist. So I did.” Kuroo juts out his chin defensively.

“Craigslist,” Akaashi repeats, expressing souring. He makes an exasperated noise and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You bought a potion off a _craigslist ad_?”

Kuroo shrugs. Okay, maybe it wasn’t his best plan but he was desperate. “Everything else was taking too long. I mean, look at this—” He strokes his fingers through his messy hair and frowns when the tufts part the moment he lifts his hand. “I’ve tried gel. I’ve tried sleeping with fewer pillows. I’ve made tribute to the goddess of good hair. I’ve even tried enchanting my bedhead, but nothing works! I swear, I’m _cursed._ ”

Akaashi watches him with an inscrutable look on his face. “You’re not cursed,” he says, sighing. “You should have trusted me to come up with the solution. This seems like a simple cosmetic spell…it’ll probably wear off in a few hours, but it…could have been worse. Christ. You can’t trust people selling _elixirs_ on _craigslist_. Most of them are fakes and scammers, too.”

“Hmm, pretty high and mighty for someone who sells their own talismans and potions on Etsy,” Kuroo points out.

Akaashi dodges the accusation altogether. He folds his arms across his chest, expression cross. “Do you want me to fix it or not?”

“ _Can_ you fix it?” Kuroo’s face turns hopeful, his cat ears twitching.

Akaashi nods. With a wry smile, he strokes his fingers over the black fur and scritches. On instinct, Kuroo leans into the touch, nuzzling back against Akaashi’s explorative touch.

Belatedly, Kuroo pulls away.

 _Shit_.

Akaashi smirks. “You sure you _want_ me to fix it, Kuroo-san?” He cocks his head to the side. His steely blue eyes glimmer. “Y’know, the cat ears are actually sort of cute.”

Kuroo’s certain Akaashi’s only teasing him, but his face burns anyway. “Yep. Pretty damn sure.”

Akaashi may claim the spell’s only superficial, but what if he grows a matching tail? Or paws? What if he transforms into an actual cat, what _then_ —

Kuroo’s thoughts are interrupted by the heat of Akaashi’s hands as they cup his face.

“Kuroo-san. I can _hear_ you panicking and I’m not even using a telepathy spell,” Akaashi complains. With noticeable effort, he softens his tone. “It’s not…so bad? I can still fix this. We’ve seen worse, remember? This isn’t as bad as that time a dragon imprinted on Bokuto-san.”

Kuroo cringes at the memory, still partially distracted by the fact Akaashi’s _touching him_.

“I’ll help you,” Akaashi decides. He drops his hands. “But you need to promise not to do anything this reckless again. I really thought _this_ level of idiocy was beneath you.”

Kuroo’s lips tug into a grin. “Was that just…a _compliment?_ ”

“ _No_.” Akaashi’s face contorts. The tips of his ears turn red.

“You sure? ‘Cause coming from _you_ , that’s practically high praise.”

Akaashi’s mouth thins into a straight line. “I’m revoking my offer in 5…4….”

“Alright, alright!” Kuroo raises his hands in defeat and laughs. “I promise never buy a potion off a shady craigslist posting, happy? Do you need me to bag? ‘Cause I will.”

Akaashi’s ears turn an even deeper shade of red. “That’s…close enough, thanks. Shit, okay, let me just go get my keys. I _should_ have something that’ll work as an antidote at my shop.”

~*~

Kuroo sticks his head out the car window, eyes fluttering closed as he enjoys the feel of the cool breeze brushing against his skin. He can feel Akaashi’s gaze on him, but he opts to ignore it.

Voice polite as ever, Akaashi comments, “Thought you turned part cat, not part dog. Are you going to start sticking your tongue out, too?”

Kuroo ducks his back into the car and twists in his seat. He eyes the fluffy robe Akaashi’s still wearing and smirks. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to change first.”

Akaashi shrugs, his eyes fixed on the road. “This’ll probably only take a moment. Then I’m going right back to bed.” He arches a brow. “Unless you have any _other_ surprises planned for the night?”

“Nope. I’ve had my fill of botched spells. For the night, anyway. Also, I’m sorry.” Kuroo winces. “For waking you up.”

Akaashi’s face softens. “It’s okay. I uh, wasn’t actually sleeping.”

“Oh?”

“Insomnia,” Akaashi explains after a moment. He drums his fingers against the wheel. “I was in bed reading the grimoire Kenma lent me. Reading helps, sometimes.”

Kuroo whistles. “S’there not a spell for sleep deprivation?”

“You can’t fix everything with magic, Kuroo-san. If you understood that, you wouldn’t be sporting _cat ears._ ” He sounds tired, not quite sleepy but like exhaustion been eating away at him for a while now. “I’ve tried making my own potions,” Akaashi continues, “But the ingredients are hard to come by, and buying them online can be...well.”

He casts a side-glance at Kuroo’s feline ears. “They usually come with some kind of little _clause_ written on the label. ‘Side effects include cringe-worthy honesty that can last up to 24 hours.’ Or: ‘brewer cannot be sued if this potion turns you into a toad.’ Or: ‘caution, this potion’s long lasting, can only be remedied with a kiss.’ Sleep potions can be tricky. Even if I brew them myself, if I accidentally take too much, I could end up in a magic-induced coma.”

“That’s rough,” Kuroo consoles.

He peeks over his shoulder. Even with sleep-ruffled hair and bags forming underneath his stormy blue eyes, Akaashi’s still somehow looks more put together than anyone else Kuroo knows. “You could—you could call me, y’know,” Kuroo offers. “If you’re having trouble sleeping.”

Akaashi’s eyes flicker to Kuroo’s face in surprise. “What?”

Flushing, Kuroo mutters, “I could keep you company, if you wanted.” When he sees Akaashi’s brows rise, he clarifies, “Oi, I’m a _stellar_ conversationalist. You’d only be _so lucky_ if I considered sharing my thoughts on astrophysics with you.”

Warmth coils in his chest when he catches the corners of Akaashi’s lips twitch in a smile.

Akaashi hums in consideration. “You _do_ talk a lot.”

His expression turns thoughtful, his cheeks still tinged with color when he tears his gaze from the mirror. “I’ll…keep that in mind. Thanks.”

Silence stretches between them. It’s not that Kuroo’s _enjoying_ this, exactly, but it’s nice to have to have an excuse— _a reason_ , he mentally corrects—to be alone with Akaashi. Outside of the times he’s asked Akaashi for bedhead remedies, they never hangout unless Bokuto’s there.

In an attempt to fill the quiet, Kuroo reaches for Akaashi’s iPod and turns it on.

He’s _not_ expecting the song ‘Rack City’ to blast through the car’s speakers.

Kuroo stares at Akaashi incredulously. “Seriously?”

Akaashi offers another shrug. “I like it,” he says. “Fight me.” 

Kuroo shakes his head and grins as he looks out the window.

“Feet off dashboard, catboy,” Akaashi chides. As the song comes to an end, he carefully parks the car and pulls his dangling keys from the ignition.

Kuroo follows him out of the car, out into the dimly lit parking lot and then through the door of Akaashi’s magic shop. The door chimes above them as they enter. Glimmering red and blue sparks shift between the colors as they scrawl out the word “WELCOME” across the window displays.

At this point, Kuroo was more than familiar with the small boutique.

The schedule’s hazardous at best, but Kuroo knows it off hand. Akaashi’s store smells of dusty books, well-worn leather and sage. The walls are decorated brightly with insignias. Display shelves are cluttered with skulls and fairy figurines; luck charms marked for sale, and stacked boxes of incense promising good fortune. Akaashi keeps his rarer items sealed behind glass.

When Bokuto and Kuroo first started hanging out, Kuroo would always tag along to see what sort of weird items Akaashi had in stock. One week Akaashi had acquired a vase that supposedly possessed the ghost of an angry chicken. Another time, a collector had traded Akaashi the ingredients for a hex that would make it impossible for one’s nemesis to complete a sneeze.

Eventually he started dropping by the store regularly for, uh, another reason entirely.

Kuroo still remembers the first time he’d seen Akaashi—Bokuto had asked him to wait outside the store so he can pick something up real quick. Through the glass, he’d caught sight of a tall man with delicate features, sharp eyes and even sharper cheekbones.

“Dude,” Kuroo had said when Bokuto returned. “ _That’s_ your best friend? He’s…”

Bokuto had grinned in understanding. “Pretty, right?”

Kuroo had snuck one final look over his shoulder at the handsome storekeeper before disappearing with Bokuto into the shadows.

 

“What’s _this_ one do?” Kuroo asks as he pokes at the vial through the neon-lit glass display.

Akaashi’s brows knit together as he carefully plucks two different vials from the case. “That one,” he answers, weighing the elixirs in his hands, “is the kind of potion you can drink. It’ll make you forget everything that happened that day.”

Kuroo lifts from where he’d been crouching. “Pretty sure humans just call that alcohol.”

Akaashi snorts and untwists one of the caps, letting the green smoke rise from the vial. “Alright, I’ve got what I need to make the concoction. We’re going to have to go to the back room to rinse the potion from your hair.”

Kuroo stumbles back, nearly knocking over a shelf of tarot card-themed candles. He clutches at the casing for support. “You _what_ now?”

“We need to wash your hair first,” Akaashi repeats. “Wasn’t that part implied?”

 _No it wasn’t_ , Kuroo wants to protest. There must have been some part of him that’d registered the possibility when he first sought Akaashi for help, but faced with the reality, his brain’s short circuiting. _Oh God. Akaashi’s going to wash my hair._ “I can do it myself just fine.”

Akaashi looks even less impressed than that time Bokuto invited a spirit into his and Kuroo’s apartment because his friends were away and he was ‘lonely.’

“Like hell you will,” Akaashi snaps. Blunt as ever, he argues, “This isn’t science, it’s magic and last time I checked, potions weren’t your forte.”

Kuroo swallows thickly. “Okay, okay. We can—yeah.” He isn’t even certain why he’s trying to talk himself out of it at this point except for the fact there’s a strong possibility he might enjoy it too much. Numbly, Kuroo follows Akaashi into the back room. His heart pounds in his throat, loud enough he’s almost worried Akaashi might hear.

Kuroo watches silently as Akaashi assembles the ingredients. “You’re nervous too,” Kuroo observes when he sees Akaashi’s fingers fidgeting.

“I just don’t want to mess this up.” Akaashi face carefully composed, he turns his back to Kuroo and he mixes the smaller vials together, crushing a few herbs together before sprinkling them into the larger phial.

As Kuroo waits, a blonde owl – almost golden – with white and black speckled feathers taps its beak against the window. Kuroo grins and lets him in. He holds his arm out, letting the owl perch on his arm. “Hey look, it’s Ritsu!”

Akaashi’s familiar makes a happy noise and bucks his face against Kuroo’s hand. “Told you he likes me,” Kuroo sing-songs.

“He’s not a pet,” Akaashi hisses. “And if you like Ritsu so much, why don’t yet get _him_ to fix your ears.”

Kuroo brays out a laugh, his fingers stroking over the owl’s soft feathers. “You’re jealous…of an owl?”

Akaashi scoffs. “Don’t be stupid. Ritsu, would you fetch the last herbs I need?”

Ritsu caws in answer before leaping into the air, his feathers shimmering with color as he soars out of the room.

“Killjoy.”

Akaashi ignores him. “Alright, let’s start.” He pats the chair and Kuroo obediently sits.

He turns on the tap and Kuroo cringes.

“Do we have to—”

“Such a baby,” Akaashi chastises. He gets Kuroo to tilt his head back, fingers ghosting over the arc of Kuroo’s neck before gently coaxing his head beneath the stream of water. “It won’t take long.”

Kuroo flinches at the feeling of water touching his skin, sputtering when the stream splashes his face.

“Maybe you _are_ turning into an actual cat,” muses Akaashi, his voice thick with amusement. He doesn’t even attempt to _hide_ how much he’s reveling in Kuroo’s misery as he snickers and folds down Kuroo’s ears with the pads of his thumbs.

With a glare, Kuroo mutters, “I shouldn’t have even asked—”

Akaashi huffs at him. Gently as he can, Akaashi tugs him back under the water, his hand splayed on the nape of Kuroo’s neck to keep him in place. “You _should_ have had patience and trusted me to figure it out.”

Kuroo closes his eyes and focuses on the feeling of Akaashi’s hands combing through his wet hair, Akaashi’s callused thumbs rubbing soothing circles along the back of Kuroo’s neck. Fingers gingerly knead the soapy concoction against his ears. Kuroo groans, the sound a loud rumbly _purr_ and god that’s mortifying, but he doesn’t pull away again and he doesn’t ask Akaashi to stop either.

Admittedly, Kuroo’s wondered before what it might feel like to have Akaashi’s hands on him. He’s imagined Akaashi’s clever fingers unbuttoning his shirt or tugging Kuroo’s hoodie over his shoulder (even in fantasies, Kuroo likes to imagine himself dressed comfortably), those same hands skating down his chest, soft lips pressing against Kuroo’s jaw. It’s the absolute worst time to be thinking about these things because now all he can focus on is how close Akaashi’s hovering, his touch almost intimate.

Vaguely, he hears the flutter of wings signaling Ritsu’s return.

“Almost done,” Akaashi says, voice distant over the rush of the water. He massages Kuroo’s ears one last time, and then taps at his shoulder. 

Kuroo slowly lifts his head from the sink and cranes his neck to try to ease the uncomfortable tension in his muscles.

“Look.” Akaashi reaches behind himself to grab a mirror and smiles as he hoists it in front of Kuroo. “No more cat ears.”

“It worked,” Kuroo says in disbelief. He turns his head to the left and the right, his fingers prodding at his ears. “You really fixed it.”

Akaashi gives him an offended look. “Of course it worked. I’m _good_ at what I do.”

“And yet it’s been two months and we’re still no closer to figuring out the solution to my bedhead,” Kuroo teases. He’d _meant_ it as a joke but Akaashi’s expression is guarded.

Eyes averted, Akaashi swallows. He hands Kuroo a towel. “Uh, about that.”

Kuroo frowns. “…Akaashi?”

“I was _going_ to tell you. Eventually.”

“Tell me…?”

“I found the ‘cure’ a few weeks ago,” Akaashi admits. “Or, at least I think I did? I’m pretty sure I’m close though.”

“A few weeks ago…” Kuroo echoes. He sinks back in his seat, blinking furiously as he tries to process this. His frown deepens. “And you just…decided not to tell me?”

An attractive flush tinges Akaashi’s cheeks. “I considered telling you—”

“Oh, you _considered?_ How nice of you,” Kuroo mocks, his stomach twisting.

“—but it’s the only reason we ever hang out without Bokuto-san, as in just the two of us. And I thought if I delayed it, maybe I’d get to see you more.” Akaashi’s face scrunches like the confession physically pains him.

Kuroo feels his own face go slack with shock. “You sabotaged my hair to spend time with me?”

Akaashi stares up at the ceiling resentfully. “Shut up, I just—”

 _Akaashi likes me_ , Kuroo realizes, his face splitting in a grin. “Holy shit. You like me. Like, _like_ like me.”

“Oh god, I have feelings for an idiot,” Akaashi bemoans. He slides his hands down his own face. “Konoha-san warned me you’d react like this.”

“You told Konoha?” Kuroo arches a brow.

“Well I couldn’t tell _Bokuto-san_ ,” Akaashi says with a grimace.

Kuroo nods and scratches at the back of his neck. “Ah, yeah, he definitely would’ve told me.”

“So—” Akaashi fidgets again. He shifts uncomfortably, fingers twisting in the fabric of his robe. “What do you think?”

Insecure was a strange look on Akaashi.

Kuroo stares blankly. “About…?”

“I swear to god, Kuroo-san, _if you make me spell it out_ ,” grits Akaashi and oh.

Oh.

Kuroo surges forward and crushes their lips together. It’s clumsy at first, their noses knocking. He pulls back to murmur an apology but before he can, Akaashi winds his fingers in Kuroo’s hair and draws him again, lips chapped and eager as he draws a startled gasp from Kuroo. Akaashi smells like peppermint and sage, the smell infiltrating Kuroo’s senses as Akaashi kisses a trail from his lips to his jaw to his shoulder.

“You _like_ me,” Kuroo repeats, dipping down to brush their noses together in an apology for earlier.

“M’no shit,” Akaashi murmurs against his lips.

Kuroo laughs. “So,” he pants out in between fluttering kisses, “ _about_ that bedhead cure?”

“Second confession?” Akaashi fists his fingers in Kuroo’s hair, smirking against Kuroo’s neck when Kuroo hisses out a shaky moan. “I _like_ your hair how it is.”

Kuroo bites back a groan. “If you think that’s going to make me stop asking, you’re wrong.”

Akaashi answers with a noncommittal hum, his lips pressing just beneath the shell of Kuroo’s ear.

“I have an idea. How about this—” Kuroo detangles himself from Akaashi. “We go to my place and mock shitty movies and cuddle until you fall asleep again.”

Akaashi grins. “I like that idea a lot.”

“And then we both pretend the whole cat-ear thing never happened?” Kuroo suggests with a nervous laugh.

Akaashi snickers and pats him on the shoulder. “Oh, I’m definitely telling _everyone_.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://tobioslilgiant.tumblr.com/) l [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ambyguity_)
> 
> thank you so much gemma, sav, maelle, nat, becky and amanda for the encouragement! (yes it took me the whole squad to get me through it aha)
> 
> also thank you Nicole for your speedy edits!


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